niennanir: (Default)
The One Post
Much that once was is lost, for none now live who have Root access to it....

It began with the forging of a Yahoo! Group. It was a Private group with closed membership, only 12 of us, best friends all over this part of the world staying in touch. Every day we shared each other's lives played silly online games laughed a little, cried a little and just did what friends do... make every day seem a little brighter.

But like all good epics things never stay happy and peaceful for long. No one wants to read that.

This peace was not to last for a darkness crept over our happy little world. A malevolent shadow whose cold, cruel hand threatened to destroy all that we held dear. We had heard whisperings of this nameless evil, rumors that it was slowly and nefariously spreading out, consuming, driving hearts to despair. We would fight, I said, but we were completely unprepared for the scope of its power.

The dreaded Post Delay

(Too dramatic? I'll dial it back a bit.)

It all began a year ago last February, yes, I said February, 2006. Posts to our group weren't showing up on our group board or in email. at first the delay was an hour, which was annoying. Then it was 2, then four. So I did what any good list mum would do. I contacted Yahoo Customer Care. And I waited, and the delay grew to 6 hours and I waited, then eight. With no response from Customer Care I did the only thing I could think of to stay in touch with those I cared about most. I set up a backup.

And we waited.

A week and a half later the problem slowly corrected itself. We went back to our online home relieved that the evil had passed.

Two weeks after I reported the problem to Customer Care I got an automated response telling me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the system and either my email was to blame or I was just too stupid to use a Yahoo group.

There we stood in the ruins of our happy little virtual village and Yahoo! was telling us that the acrid smell of smoke was a figment of our overactive imaginations. Granted our imaginations are pretty good but I didn't think they were that good.

I did what every good list mum does, however. I assured everyone the danger had passed and we were home now and we would begin rebuilding. Everything would be fine, I said.

And then March came.

We evacuated twice in March. If it was another figment I never heard from Yahoo! about it. I sent a total of 10 support requests during the two weeks total our group was down. They ignored them all.

By April the group was down more than it was up. About 60% of our time was spent on the backup. I got an automated response from Yahoo! Customer Care about every 15th request I sent. All of them were slightly insulting in that they either implied that I didn't know what I was doing or didn't even have any relation to our problem. Every week the same Customer Satisfaction Survey landed in my email box asking me if I was happy that the issue was still unresolved.

This is actually starting to sound more like the Twilight Zone now that I think about it... maybe I should change the opening score.

This bitter path of destruction continued on into July. I got at least 5 responses from Customer Care that it was a problem with my Yahoo! Mail (I've never had Yahoo! Mail) By August we were emotionally exhausted. True it seemed the worst had passed. The group was now accessible about 65% of the time. But we'd lost some of the magic. Our little virtual home was no longer a safe have from the outside world where we could escape. Seven months had passed and we still hadn't had a response from a human.

I resolved that someone would give me an answer. I spent an entire weekend digging until I found a phone number for Yahoo! and I called them.

I talked to a receptionist and asked to speak with the supervisor in charge of Yahoo! Groups. I waited on hold half an hour and got a young man.


Supervisor: How can I help you?

List-Mum: You can start by telling me who you are.

Supervisor: I'm the Service Director for Yahoo! Groups.

List-Mum: What you don't have a name?

Supervisor: What can I do for you?

List-Mum: I knew it... the joint is run by androids. Well if you don't have a name you can tell me when someone with a name plans to answer the support request I made in February.

BicentenialSupervisor: Your support request for what?

List-Mum: For my non functioning Yahoo! group... isn't that the division you supposedly direct? Why would I ask to talk to you if I had a problem with IM?

BicentenialSupervisor: Well I don't know anything about that.

List-Mum: You're not alone in that. I didn't expect to get a support tech on the phone or anything but since I've been waiting for seven months I don't think it's too much to ask to have you contact one of your techs give him my email and tell him to contact me so we can trouble shoot this

BicentenialSupervisor: Well I can't do that

List-Mum: You can't do that because you don't have any techs or you can't do that because answering a support request violates Yahoo! customer care policy.

BicentenialSupervisor: We don't offer phone support for Yahoo! Groups

List-Mum: I'm not asking for phone support. I'm asking for a smart little geek with Root to email me!

BicentenialSupervisor: Well I can't do anything to help you

List-Mum: You're really just the android janitor aren't you?

I continued sending support requests daily. Most were ignored. then came the ultimate insult to customer dignity....


Thank you for writing to Yahoo! Groups.

We would like to reassure you that we are investigating the problem you
reported. We apologize for any inconvenience, and appreciate your
patience and understanding on this matter.

Thank you again for contacting Yahoo! Customer Care.



Yahoo! Customer Care

Visit our online help pages at:

New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - better than ever!"

Cow?!?!?!?!!? (I'm not making it up, I swear) The automated response was actually signed Cow. There were only two viable solutions I could think of for this. The first that someone had actually named their child 'cow' seemed unlikely. The second, that I was indirectly being called a cow in the hopes that I would go away to avoid further abuse seemed more plausible.

I was undaunted, I would not fall to this poisoned barb. I would rally my forces for an all out assault.

This was war!

I turned to the only army that had ever stood by me. The Better Business Bureau

I logged the complaint on August 2 2006, detailing the lack of response. I included the long headers that showed which Yahoo router was consistently stalling and I awaited the response...


"A Yahoo! Groups Tech engineer has reviewed this issue involving message delays. This is a normal operating condition of the Yahoo! Groups product, it is transient and is most commonly due to the users mail provider service."

It was tantamount to calling me a liar. I told the BBB that I most certainly would not accept this response but Yahoo! refused to budge and the BBB closed the case. I was devastated, what was the use of an ally who turned tail and ran in the face of evil? I would never place my faith in the BBB at my side when I marched into war again.

The fight had not been knocked out of me, however. I pressed on, I fought daily. I continued to quest for a support response, an end to the darkness that threatened to destroy us. Many of those lost posts from February and March had still not returned and I would not have them die in vain...

(Too dramatic again? *blush* Sorry, I'll try to ease up.)

I set up an email script. It sent the same support request to Yahoo twice a day. They were now responding to only one of 50 so it was the only way I could be persuaded that anyone might even be reading any of them. I scoured the web searching for some chink in the Yahoo armor. Then I found it.... a lone human among the automatons of Yahoo!

The Yodel Anecdotal

It was a blog for future development news, actually written by people who appeared to be homo sapiens. It said more blogs were coming for more Yahoo devisions where we could keep up on the latest news and I felt the formings of a plan. The November 5th posting talked about the integration of Yahoo! Help and Yahoo! Answers and I saw my chance. I posted a comment in the hopes someone without a hard drive between their ears would read it.


"What’s the point of integrating anything into Yahoo Help? Yahoo help doesn’t have any humans there to be helpful. I’ve been requesting support for my group for over 9 months and, apart from the automated computer system calling me a ‘cow’ I haven’t had a response.
It sounds like another attempt by yahoo to ignore customers again to me."


One day. That's all it took, one day and I had a response from a very nice lady who shall remain nameless for fear that the forces of evil will find her and destroy her. (She did actually have a name though.)

She contacted tech via whatever back door they have at Yahoo! for me. Sneaking into their territory at the greatest risk.... no less than three times before I finally got a response.

It was at least, semi human, though it seemed a bit confused as to why I was disgruntled at having to wait until the 17th of November for a support response. They thanked me for my patience (which I no longer had) and promised to look into it.

Normal operation was back within 2 days... for the first time in a month. The delivery time slowly improved over December, and we were just breathing a sigh of relief when the evil descended again in January.

This time I had formed a plan. I rallied everyone I knew and besieged the new Yahoo! Groups team blog. Every few hours I reported the status of our group, I helped others form contingencies and I stated that I posted the status of these problems on the group home page and other Mums and mods should do the same. I called for users to refuse to form new groups and to boycott Yahoo! advertising and paid services until Customer Care improved.

The next day. There on the front page of every Yahoo! group was a special notice from the support team reporting the outage and promising to update the community on the status. It was the turing of the tide, the first glimmer of hope in our 11 month battle against the dark tower. We would rise, would would reclaim our homeland. The issue was resolved in less than 5 days and we returned to normal service for the next 6 weeks.

My group and most others on Yahoo! Are down again today. I have drawn my sword and declared once more that I will fight for true customer service. This time I am confident that in a matter of days we will rise victorious. Our year long struggle has not been in vain. If it takes us another year we will not stop until the evil is defeated. Until every lost post is laid to rest in peace until...

(Over the top again huh?)

I would like to ask the internet community to join me, to demand Customer Service and dignity from all online services. The label 'free' does not mean we are not paying for them through other avenues and at the very least we deserve respect. Until the Customer Service status at Yahoo is improved to an acceptable level I would like to ask everyone to not create new groups at Yahoo. Use another service. Don't sign up for any of their paid services. Don't click through on their advertisers. Already their stock price is edging downward and when it slips far enough they will be forced to deal with the problems they have created.

This day we fight... I bid you stand, Users of the Internet.
niennanir: (Default)
Breakfast Breakfast we adore thee
Waffles, coffee and french toast
Bacon, omelets, sausage biscuits
Lets see who can eat the most

Orange juice, muffins, fresh fruit cocktail
Toasted bagels and cream cheese
Hash browns, pancakes, danish, croissants
Someone pass the jelly please!
niennanir: (Default)
Just to let everyone know I just uploaded my most recent chapter of my fanfic 'Reason in Madness' at both and open scrolls.

Yes, yes, I know I'm lazy and I'm taking too long. Please don't rub it in, it squishes my creativity and then I can't write chapter 7... and then where will we be?

Please feel free to read at the site of your choice.
niennanir: (Default)
I gazed into a sky of blue
with clouds of snowy white
a setting sun with golden hues
as evening turned to night
and amidst the song of crashing waves
I paused then to reflect
while napping in the sand today
who buried me to my neck?
niennanir: (Default)
In honor of international talk like a pirate day I be offering this bit o' swag!

I pillaged this booty from Disney/MGM studios yesterday... ok, I really only bought the shirt. The ears are cute but I really need something that keeps the sun off my head. And don't laugh, what did you do on your last day off that was more fun than this?

I'm also pleased to report that the new POTC ride at the Magic Kingdom is way cool. Especially Davy Jones. Not quite as cool as 'Captain Jack' roaming Adventure Land and giving sword fighting lessons but you can't have everything in life.
niennanir: (Default)
This beautiful Black-crowned Night-Heron stopped in my garden today to go hunting for snakes. I'd never actually seen one up close and personal before and he was quite a site, well over two feet tall and not at all intimidated by me and my camera. I have to report that he doesn't care for my dogs at all.

niennanir: (Default)
Which character in KOI (Legends of Arthur) are you?

You are Merlin. Wise, cryptic, and slightly mischevious, you are wonderful counsel to those who seek your advice, and find creative ways to show others your way of thinking.

(image courtesy of Gary Trammel at
Take this quiz!

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Funny Farm

Aug. 6th, 2006 05:40 pm
niennanir: (Default)
I have a key to the neighbor's pool house. This is that sort of neighborhood. It works out very well because they are retired and really don't use the pool any more now that their kids are grown and I am too cheap to put one in my own yard. So I use the pool which is good for the pool, and my neighbors pay for the upkeep, which is good for my sense of humor. For the most part everyone is happy.

Overhanging the pool is a beautiful oak tree. I love it because, in addition to the pool, it shades my entire studio from the hot afternoon sun and I don't have to pay anyone to trim it. It's a monster. Among the multitude of wild things that call the tree home there are a pair of squirrels who've made a nest there. I named them Andy and Elizabeth after the movie 'Funny Farm'. At the time I didn't realize how appropriate it was.

At first I called them 'Andy and Elizabeth' when they would turn up during my swim because I really couldn't tell them apart. It soon became very clear who was who, however. Andy was the one doing the stupid things.

They were small things at first. He would walk right up to the door of the pool house and stare in at me through the screen. Elizabeth would be in the tree shouting at him. He'd go down into the yard to hunt acorns, while my dogs were out playing. He was randomly jumping from branch to branch one afternoon and he nearly fell out.

His stupidity must have been too much for Elizabeth a few nights ago because while I was happily doing laps up and down the pool I could see her in the nest wearing what I thought, for a squirrel, looked to be a rather disgruntled expression.

It was a few minutes more before I spotted Andy. He was way -way- out away from the nest, trimming small branches from the tree and building a second smaller nest. Clearly, despite the species, males can occasionally do things just dumb enough to land them on the sofa.

He might have been fine if only he had kept his complaining to himself. It wasn't long before his constant irate grumbling attracted the attention of my little darlings who were in the back yard playing.

Now Austen has been known to chase Andy on occasion but she really only sees him as an amusement. Bronte, on the other hand, her interest borders on obsession. There is hardly a small fury creature in all the world who couldn't use a hug by her reckoning. The rattling branches and constant chatter brought her to tree as fast as her fuzzy little legs could carry her.

I've never actually seen a 50 pound dog attempt to jump over eight feet in the air before but Bronte was undaunted by the distance that separated her from the furry little guy so clearly in need of a bit of sympathy.

Andy wasn't at all comforted by her presence though. He began to hurry as he made up his 'sofa bed' his little legs scurrying faster and faster in an attempt to finish and hide from my dog who was whining and bouncing directly below him. At first he ignored her but when it was clear she wasn't about to give up he began tossing branches down at her.

It was a wonder I didn't drown. It's almost impossible to swim and laugh at the same time. What happened next sent me to the side hacking up water as I cackled. As Andy scurried back to his 'sofa bed nest' with his latest branch he lost his footing. He let out a squirrelly squawk as he snatched at a branch, barely clinging on. Once he was back on the branch again he turned and began shouting loudly at Bronte, flinging portions of his temporary nest down at her as if the whole affair were her fault.

When I could breathe again I spotted Elizabeth still sitting in the nest, watching a screaming squirrel and a bouncing, whining dog and wearing the most flabbergasted expression. You could almost hear her saying 'my mother was right about you'.

Anyone who says that animals don't have personalities has never been in my back yard.
niennanir: (Default)
Your results:
You are Princess Leia
Princess Leia
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Qui-Gon Jinn
Luke Skywalker
An Ewok
Han Solo
You are an excellent friend
and an unselfish person,
yet you like to spend a lot of
time on your hair and fashion.
You spend most of your time
with guys that are too cocky,
too hairy, or too related.
(This list displays the top 10 results out of a possible 21 characters)
Click here to take the Star Wars Personality Quiz
niennanir: (Default)
If You Ruled the Land . . . by wackyweasel
Your first name:
How you gained your rule:
Your title is:Your Majesty - straight-up, no fuss
Your symbol is:a blue dragon - cool and slick, oh yeah, just like you
You rule from:a cloud castle - so fluffy . . .
At your side is:your Royal Chocolate Carrier
Your enforcers, troops, and guards are all:elves - with WINGS!!
Your most popular law is:No more speakers on cars that rattle windows of homes
Your least popular law is:Pinky swearing equals a binding contract
Your worst enemy is:no longer with us. Foul play? Who, you?
Your popularity rating is:: 56%
Your chance of being overthrown is:: 75%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I Rule!

Jul. 13th, 2006 10:36 pm
niennanir: (Default)

I escaped from the Dungeon of Moonkee!

I killed Zeedrippyvessel the leprechaun and The Gwyllion the mind flayer.

I looted the Crown of Siesuta, the Armour of Ps, a Figurine of Sailingwest, the Amulet of Anieni, the Wand of Lucasarts, the Armour of Manga, the Dagger of Starbucks, the Sword of Tolkien and 67 gold pieces.

Score: 217

Explore the Dungeon of Moonkee and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

niennanir: (Default)
(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

× I miss somebody right now. I don't watch much TV these days.  (Stargate and... Stargate. Until Doctor Who is on again.) I own lots of books.  (Squeee!!! *huggles them*)
I wear glasses or contact lenses.  (Big fat glasses that I hide in my drawer. I love my contacts.) I love to play video games.  (*bashes random Civ*) × I've tried marijuana.
× I've watched porn movies. × I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.  (I'm a terrible liar... and that's the truth.)
I curse sometimes.  (Usually in languages other than English.) I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.  (It's a long road to 'well adjusted') × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
it goes on... )
niennanir: (Default)
My internet was down for close to 17 hours. I think I might need therapy now.

Not because I'm addicted to the internet... well, I am, but that's not why I need therapy. It stems from the psychological damage inflicted by my ISP, Comcast Cable. I'm pretty sure my blood pressure is way too high now too, but unless I actually have a heart attack I doubt I'll ever see anything in the way of compensation.

The net went down at around 5:30pm yesterday. I'm not sure exactly when because I was trying to sort laundry at the time. I returned to my laptop to find my mail and IM off line so I scuttled to check the modem, sure enough, blinking light.

Nothing can make me feel ill quite as quickly as that blinking light. I know what it means the moment I see it. I could feel the vascular constriction almost immediately. I started the reset procedures while I punched up tech support. I knew it wouldn't do any good, but I'm a rotten liar so at least this way I can tell them I already did it. It took 4 minutes to do all three reset procedures... it took 6 minutes to get a tech

6:12pm EDT
OrcTech #1 - *Indian accent* Thank you for calling Comcast, how may I help you today?

Dissatisfied Customer - My Internet is down and I'd like you to log into the system and let me know what the projected repair time is for my node.

OrcTech #1 - *slight pause* Um... ok... let me pull that up here. This could take a few minutes. *pauses to drink his coffee and pretends to look up status* let me ask you something, how many lights do you have?

DC - the power is active the send is blinking, receive and online are out. I did the standard power-down and reset/disconnect but there's no response which would indicate a problem on your end.

OrcTech #1 - *long gaping pause* Let me check something.... *longer pause while he actually looks up data I asked for.* Well.... it appears your assumption was right. We have an outage in your area, effecting 176 customers.

DC - Rhach

OrcTech #1 - sorry... *weird pause* I didn't catch that.

DC - nothing... what's the projected repair time?

OrcTech #1 - Looks like about 1.5 hours.

DC - Well that's good news, I shouldn't have to go Wardriving on a Friday night just to get my work done.

OrcTech #1 - *longer gaping pause* Is there anything else I can help you with.

I went for a swim, I made a salad, I watched two episodes of Stargate. Three hours of my life pass, still no internet.

9:03pm EDT
OrcTech #2 - *Jamaican accent* Thank you for calling Comcast, how may I help you today?

Really Dissatisfied Customer - You can tell me why my internet still isn't on after three hours when the last tech support guy I talked to told me it would be an hour and a half.

OrcTech #2 - Oh, well... I'm sorry about that. Let me look up the outage in your area I need to put you on hold a minute.

[Hold] - 11 minutes... salad dressing sticks to dish, dogs ask to go out, dogs ask to come in, The stargate is buried in lava trapping the team on a world about to explode.

OrcTech #2 - Well we are showing an outage in your area.

RDC - Yes *sigh* I know that... what's the estimated time for return of service.

OrcTech #2 - *snippy* Well it can talk a while, anywhere from 24 to 48 hours.

RDC - Then why did the last guy tell me an hour and a half if I was going to be without net for two days?!? You do realize that I can't go out now and find a connection and get my work done. which I might have been able to do at 6 o'clock. If I can't get my work done I can't get paid, if I can't get paid I can't pay my cable bill... and if I can't pay my cable bill one of you is going to have to get fired because the exorbitant amount Comcast is charging me every year has got to be paying one of your salaries.

OrcTech #2 - Well I can't do anything about the repairs from where I am. (I assume she means the mines of Moria) These things take a while to fix.

RDC - Well if Comcast is going to charge me for services I'm not receiving for two days I think I'm entitled to a discount, don't you?

OrcTech #2 - We can certainly do that ma'am, let me put you on hold and get someone in billing to help you.

[Hold] Comcast advertisements interrupt each other in an endless string of insanity for an hour and twenty minutes while someone plays the kazoo in the background. The Atlantis team barely escapes the exploding planet, Michael the Wraith contacts Atlantis about helping them opening their own line of Wraith Buffets.

10:40pm EDT
The kazoo abruptly stops.

I'm not sure whether to be relieved that I'm not listening to the kazoo any more, elated that the recorded sensual female voice is no longer telling me that I can find answers to my support questions at, or enraged that I spent over an hour of my life listing to a kazoo and the voice of Liv Tyler.

I took two Excedrin, watched the Genii blow up a planet, gave myself a pedicure, chased a mosquito with a can of Raid, read three chapters of Eldest, and went to bed praying that my net would be on at 9am when the alarm went off.

8:55am EDT
I'm startled from a dream about trolls setting fire to my Plumerias by the alarm clock. On the floor beside my night stand is the modem, still blinking. In retrospect I should have got a little Captain in me instead of the Excedrin. I wake up in a much better mood that way.

I have coffee and cheerios, I reset the modem twice for fun. I call Comcast for the third time.

9:35am EDT
OrcTech #3 - *Chicago accent* Thank you for calling Comcast, how may I help you today?

Psychotic Customer - You'll probably want to send me to your stupidvisor as quickly as possible before our recorded conversation is saved for training purposes, while you're doing that you can look up the status on my node and see if they have any sort of estimate on repair, I couldn't find out from the idiot who put me on hold last night for over an hour and then hung up on me. She said two days.

OrcTech #3 - *really long pause or fear* I'm... sorry to hear that (in his own defense he did sound sorry... but I think he was probably sorry that he was the one dealing with me) Let me pull up the network status, please hold.

[Hold] Dogs ask to go out, the modem pretends to reconnect and I almost drop the phone. I swear to myself for being gullible.

OrcTech #3 - Thanks for holding

PC - *eerily calm* No problem, I'm getting used to it.

OrcTech #3 - *frightened pause* Um... yeah... the status says here that they have 85% restoration on that node and...

PC - *still eerily calm* So I complained about being poorly treated and they moved me to the back of the line?

OrcTech #3 - *sucks in startled breath* Well, you see... these things take a while to fix.

PC - yeah that's what the woman who hung up on me said after she implied I was stupid for believing the guy before her who told me an hour and a half.

OrcTech #3 - *longer pause* Well... actually the first guy had every right to think that. Normally a repair this size doesn't take so long unless something goes really wrong. Did you have a thunderstorm there yesterday by any chance?

PC - *irritation* This is Florida we have a thunderstorm every day.

OrcTech #3 - *frightened pause* Well... I can't be sure but if they have 85% of the node active they should have the rest of it up by this evening at least.

PC - Well it looks like I have nothing to do with my day but write letters to the Better Business Bureau and think of creative ways to bankrupt Comcast and send all your stock options down the drain.

OrcTech #3 - *contemplates running away in terror for three seconds* Um... well

PC - I suppose I could write to the governor too... no wait... Charlie's up for the job, he just loves all that 'rushing to the defense of the consumer' stuff. I bet he'd love to hear this.

OrcTech #3 - *painfully long pause* I'll tell you what, I'm going to give you the number for billing and when your service comes back up call them and tell them how long it was off and they can issue you a credit.

PC - I highly doubt they have any motivation to do that when they can just leave me sitting on hold listening to a kazoo for over an hour.

OrcTech #3 - *begins to breathe funny* I'm really sorry but the best estimate I can give you is some time today.

PC - *accepting sigh* Well... thank you, you've been very unhelpful. Be sure to mention to your stupidvisor that I said that. He'll want to recommend you for a raise and a promotion for your exemplarily execution of Comcast company policy.

I hang up.

Forty minutes later that modem reconnected. I was really sort of stunned to be truthful, I'd been watching the light blink while I pummeled unsuspecting rival Civilizations on my laptop. It had almost become a fixture of my natural habitat.

My net's back up and running now. As soon as I finish work I'm going to nip off that letter to the BBB. Maybe I'll send copies to all the guys running for governor this year. It might be amusing to watch the fur fly if I get any takers. It will certainly be a lot less expensive than psychiatric treatment.


Jul. 1st, 2006 11:53 am
niennanir: (Default)
I need this today.
Which Mix of the Hogwarts Houses are You?

You're a Ravenpuff!: You are a very analytical and ingenius person, someone that likes to invent new things. The way you look at life is with wonder, and sometimes you're even a little naive. But people love you for that trait and they feel the need to protect you from the harsh facts of life so that you can retain your innocence. You are very capable person and when there is trouble people turn to you because you're able to stay calm and collected. You like balance in your life and you try not to make many waves. Even still, if there is something that you believe strongly in, you will commit yourself totally to that cause. Your weakness is that sometimes you can be indecisive and perfectionist, especially about little details and you drive people crazy sometimes with these traits. With the innocence of a Hufflepuff and the calm of a Ravenclaw you will be loved in life!
Take this quiz!

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niennanir: (Default)
I always get a little blue this time of year. Mostly I can ignore the commercials every 3 minutes and the signs every 10 feet in the mall. The fact is that it never really bothers me until someone, who clearly doesn't know me very well, asks what I have planned for Father's Day. To which I am forced to respond "I don't have one."

I used to say that I didn't celebrate Father's Day but that never defused the situation. Apparently it's all right not to celebrate Halloween or Easter or Hanukkah, but saying you don't celebrate Father's Day makes you some sort of social deviant. Now I only have to deal with rarer responses like "Everyone has a father!" or my favorite, "Did gnomes leave you in the cabbage patch or something?" I like answering that one with as serious a face as possible. "They weren't gnomes, they were elves and they didn't leave me there. I was looking at the sunflowers and accidentally fell out of my basket."

Normally that answer will stall out any queries on any topic for at least a week. One of those conversations though is usually more than enough to ruin my good humor. Unless, of course, they ask the cabbage patch question. In which case I'm cheered up a little bit.

I don't have any happy Father's Day anecdotes to tell, no tender remembrances, no silly stories. I haven't seen my father in many many years now and when I did see him my fondest memories are of him walking in the opposite direction. I am ok with that. I'm only annoyed that most people seem to think there is something wrong with my being ok with that. The alternative is to not be ok with it and I don't care for that at all, I've tried it and it's very tiring.

That's not to say I haven't learned some valuable things about fathers and what goes into making a grand one. It can be more or less summed up as the exact opposite of what makes a bad one. I often wonder about it more now that I'm older, or rather, old enough to have a bit more perspective. From time to time I see examples of very bad parenting in public and the only thing I can think is 'Do you not realize that child will be picking out your nursing home some day?' I wonder some times if these people have any sort of instinct for self preservation at all.

So in the interest of fostering world peace and all that grand wonderful stuff I offer up the only real wisdom I have in regards to Father's Day. Hopefully some of you fathers will find it helpful. If any of you sons or daughters find it familiar feel free to contact me about a list of discount nursing homes.

10 Best Ways to Insure Your Children Will Never Come Home For Father's Day

1. Make jokes at their expense in front of your friends. Laugh loudly at how brilliant you are.

2. Take the clicker from them while they are watching their favorite program. Change the channels as fast as possible until they become dizzy and leave the room.

3. Frequently remind them what a disappointment they are.

4. Compare them to their siblings

5. Never buy them a birthday gift. Gripe and make snide comments if their grandparents choose to spend money on them, making you look bad.

6. Go to the mall, whine as soon as you get out of Sears about what a waste of time it is. Complain loudly about how much they cost you.

7. Never attend their games/plays/recitals. When they ask, tell them it is boring and stupid.

8. Smoke in the car, roll down the window all the way so that the ashes fly into the back seat on them.

9. Never teach them anything, if they ask you to teach them something imply they are to stupid to learn.

10. Never accept anything less than 100% perfection. Never reward hard work or effort.
niennanir: (Default)
Carelessly borrowed from Right Said Fred, "I'm Gonna Be" singing this in my head for days.

When I'm walking, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the elf who's walking next to you
When I slay orcs, hey I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the elf who's slaying them with you
And if I shoot trolls, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the elf who's shooting next to you
And if a Balrog comes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the elf who runs from him with you

But I would walk 500 leagues
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be that elf who walked a thousand leagues
To take on Mordor

When I'm tracking, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the elf who tracks hobbits with you
And when I'm riding, on my horse the whole night through
I will ride across those Rohan plains with you
When I fight wargs (When I fight wargs), well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the elf who's fighting them with you
And if I drink ale, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the elf who drinks ale next to you

But I would walk 500 leagues
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be that elf who walked a thousand leagues
To take on Mordor

When I face death, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the elf who walks those paths with you
And when I'm sailing, well I know I'm gonna sail
I'm gonna sail out on those pirate ships with you
When I battle (When I battle), well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the elf who goes to war with you
And when I march home (When I march home), yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the elf who marches back with you
I'm gonna be the elf who's marching home with you

But I would walk 500 leagues
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be that elf who walked a thousand leagues
To take on Mordor
niennanir: (Default)
the first Tropical Storm of the season is winding his merry way across the gulf at the moment dumping some much needed rain on the garden and generally dropping the temperature here from abysmal to a mild sweltering. I appear to be the only unhappy individual within a five mile radius.

But then I'm not like normal people, I'm allergic to cloud cover.

If at any time I become obscure, incoherent or otherwise unintelligible, back away slowly and return when the sun comes out again. Baring that, shine a flashlight in my eyes until I can be safely subdued.

I'm not really bothered by the hurricanes... well I am to some extent. In any case I'll take them over the tornados and blizzards any day. I at least get a fair warning with the hurricanes. What I can't seem to avoid regardless of where I live on the planet is the very thing I have today.


I think I saw the sun around three. I was laying on the sofa, trying to decide if my ancestors, who were brilliant enough to write songs that make it rain, ever had the foresight to write songs that would make the sun shine... and if so, where might I learn them, when for the briefest moment I caught a glimpse of the dust bunnies hiding under the TV armoire.

A bird sang,

a frog croaked

I looked up

It was the faintest tinge of golden hues rimming the edge of the charcoal clouds and then it was gone. I saw the sun, I know it. And before you ask, no, I'm not some sort of zealot. You can mock my belief in daylight all you like, I know what I saw.

Alberto will be gone in a few days and then you'll see! The sun will come out and my world will return to normal... 96 degrees in the shade and UV radiation so bright it tans freckles.

Ok... bad example.
niennanir: (Default)
Star Wars Horoscope for Sagittarius
You are superbly wise and have been known to spread your wisdom widely. You are impatient and pushy when people take your teachings too lightly. And your philosophical side always peeks through. Star wars character you are most like: Yoda
niennanir: (Default)
In case of emergency sing loudly (to the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic)
More madness to follow.

Mine eyes have seen the Glory of the elf of Golden Hair
He is trampling down the Balrogs who are taken unaware
He has a smile so dashing none could ever be as fair.
The Elf is Marching on

I have seen him near the talans of a hundred thudding maids
they follow, gasp and swoon and drool and will not be waylaid
They know his beauty and his charm shall never dim nor fade
The Elf is Marching on

He faced the foes of Mordor and he did not know defeat
He worked for Elrond all those years and he did not sound retreat
He's mobbed by hordes of fangirls and he still remains so sweet
The Elf is Marching on

In the house of Golden Flowers In fair Gondolin we see
An elf of unsurpassing grace and noble dignity
As he died to slay a Balrog let us live to make elves free
Our Elf is Marching on
niennanir: (Default)
I didn't think I needed another blog but my friends on LJ disagreed. So I figure I have two options, either I can cross post from myspace or I can dedicate this blog to the random insanity and amusement that is my fiction writing... Well my friends, what say you? Post your votes.
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